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  1. #1
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    Default Lockdown Funk Slapdown

    This came as a pass it on email. You may have already seen it? I thought it was a good way to kick off this thread;

    STAYING ALIVE
    How to better manage the current crisis.

    We Elders are considered to be the most vulnerable to Coronavirus. This puts us in a unique position to be a good example to young people who may be anxious about themselves and us. We have a chance to help them cultivate positive attitudes, positive emotions and helpful behaviours.

    None of us want to die, but we know that our lives are given to us with no guarantee of physical safety and we have to accept that. This reality can be easier to accept with the experience and wisdom that comes with age.

    It may be helpful to understand that the real problem we have to manage during this crisis is fear. Fear comes with anxiety, and if we can manage that, then we can make better decisions and take steps to not only survive Coronavirus, but to learn and grow from the experience.

    Some people may not recognise their own anxiety and behave irrationally (panic buying) or destructively without realising that anxiety is driving their behaviour. Those who are aware can be at a loss to know what to do about it.

    There is something we can do...

    Francis Macnab (psychotherapist ) uses a helpful analogy. He says that being anxious is, Like dogs running loose in the backyard, running in all directions and out of control. When faced with anxiety we must ...Tie up the dogs and stay steady.”

    It's not always easy to do this, but it is a helpful image to keep in mind as we look for ways to stay steady: For example, using the breath to relax, accessing calming influences, limiting our exposure to bad news, enjoying music, dancing and walking.

    We can have faith in ourselves to draw on our inner strengths. We have lived long enough to know about chaos and unwanted events and for the most part, our ability to get past them. It is the meaning we choose to give to a crisis situation that will determine our feelings and our response. We know we cannot always control what happens, but we can control the way we see things. This is achieved by using the power of our mind to override the biological reaction of fear, panic and anxiety.

    This can remind us of the importance of a sense of humour and laughter. Laughter helps us to put aside a threatening future and live in the present. When we live in the present we may be aware of our stressful circumstances, but we also know our capacity as human beings to handle them.
    -------------------------------------


    A young person in a country town got a job behind the counter at the general store. A lady came in and asked for some rose-scented soap. "I'm sorry,"
    said the new assistant, "we don't have any." The manager saw this and took the shop assistant aside, explaining: "This is a business. We have to make sales. If we don't have what a person asks for, suggest an alternative."

    This must have had an effect on the shop assistant, as man walked in and asked, "Do you have any toilet rolls?" "I'm sorry, we don't." replied the assistant, " but we have flypaper, sandpaper and confetti”.
    ----------------------------



    Mary: "My last boyfriend said he fantasized about having two
    girls at once."

    Jill: "Yeah, most men do. What did you tell him?"

    Mary: "I said, 'If you can't satisfy one woman, why would you
    want to really annoy two?'"

    --------------------------------------------

    "I think the pilot on my last trip was pretty new to his job.
    I base that on his pre-flight announcement, 'We're going to
    be taking off in a few... Whoa, here we go!'" --Unknown

    --------------------------------------------



    Housework was a woman's job, but one evening, Jenny arrived home from
    work to find the children bathed, one load of laundry in the washer and
    another in the dryer.

    Dinner was on the stove, and the table set. She was astonished!
    It turns out that Ralph had read an article that said wives who work
    full-time and had to do their own housework were too tired to have s e
    x.

    The night went well and the next day, she told her office friends all
    about
    it. "We had a great dinner. Ralph even cleaned up. He helped the
    kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and put it away. I really
    enjoyed the evening."

    "But what about afterward?" asked her friends.

    "Oh, that ..., Ralph was too tired.."

    God is good.

    --------------------------------------------


    --------------------------------------------

    A bit of Zen sarcasm ........

    1. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be
    promoted.

    2. Always remember that you're unique, just like everyone else.

    3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet

    4. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
    That
    way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their
    shoes.

    5. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

    6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was
    probably
    worth it.

    7. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

    8. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

    9. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are
    moving.

    10. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
    on
    the same night.

    --------------------------------------

    ---------------------------------------


    Q: How many therapists does it take to change a light bulb?

    A: Only one, but the light bulb has to really want to change.

  2. #2
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    Default

    I went to the range this morning, and had the brainwave of taking my own bucket. I have an unloved galvanised bucket sitting around from an old secret santa. 'Dotty loves drinking lots of beer, he can have a beer branded bucket'.

    Worked very well and then had a second brainwave, that I can use it instead of reusable shopping bags, as it could be disinfected and restricts volume of groceries, to stop the hoarding temptation.

    As a great philosopher once sang 'Two out of three ain't bad'.

    My plan will have me walking into the shops with a bucket branded 'Corona'.
    You don't get me. I'm part of the Union.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Multiple Major Winner
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Dotty View Post
    I went to the range this morning, and had the brainwave of taking my own bucket. I have an unloved galvanised bucket sitting around from an old secret santa. 'Dotty loves drinking lots of beer, he can have a beer branded bucket'.

    Worked very well and then had a second brainwave, that I can use it instead of reusable shopping bags, as it could be disinfected and restricts volume of groceries, to stop the hoarding temptation.

    As a great philosopher once sang 'Two out of three ain't bad'.

    My plan will have me walking into the shops with a bucket branded 'Corona'.
    Cough...Cough

  4. #4
    Senior Member Golf Hall of Fame Inductee
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    Default

    I was just chatting online with my pilot mate who is presently flying an empty passenger plane from USA To Europe for freight only. I asked him if he knew how to work kitchen stuff, because obviosly no cabin crew. He says no, but his co-pilot after smashing buttons with his knuckles for 5 mins calls his hostie wife and says " how do you work the effen microwave?". Haha. Emergency call from 30k feet
    --
    Criticism doesn't bother me, as it means I am doing something and people are watching.
    Handy-Cap

  5. #5
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    Default



    The Odds are 12,500 to 1 if you are wondering;

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hole_in_one

  6. #6
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    Default

    Cirque du Soleil have put one of their shows up on Youtube for free;


  7. #7
    Senior Member Multiple Major Winner
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    Default

    My son sent me this photo;
    Attached Images

  8. #8
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    Default


  9. #9
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    Default

    Another Cirque du Soleil show free on Y Tube;


  10. #10
    Senior Member Grand Slam Winner
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Daves View Post
    Apparently Jobseeker was a non starter.


 

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