WANKER Champs NuckBet Odd Thread.

[Yossarian]

Captain Canuck, founder of 'NuckBet, is here to review the field for the weekend:




NUFFIE: 'NuckBet Odds: 11/1

The Street Fighting Lleyton Hewitt always seems to save his best performances for the big stage on OzGolf days. An experienced Champs participant knows what he is getting into this weekend. Hopefully this year, he shows up with more than a 6 pack of Carlton Cold.

Why He'll Win: The Nuffster is steady and can rise to the occasion when it is not higher than 5 feet. A seasoned veteran, he might not have the length to fully take advantage of Dunny Lakes, but he should shine at The Cut when control is the key.

Why He Won't Win: Nuffster seems pretty attached to Rubin's nutsac at the moment. This could inhibit his swing. He may also suffer being away from his latest man-crush, Veeman. He might need to drop the Veeman pom poms to hold his clubs. In the past, the Nuffster has choked when the pressure is on. Memories of being 4 up with 4 to play at KBay still haunt the little one and he wakes up scared with wet sheets at least once per month as a result.

Prediction: 4th place and 7 beers consumed on the weekend.



SIMMSY - 'NuckBet Odds: 14/1

OMS is making a return to Champs. An original WAnker, he will grit his 4 teeth and 28 dentures and compete with the best of them.

Why He'll Win: There are three guarantees in life: death, taxes and OMS putting up 22+ points over a 9 hole span at some point on the weekend. He's owned every driver released since 2005, so he has a pretty good idea what works for him.

Why He Won't Win: As he is a little older than most, after he blows his load on the 22+ points, Mr. Floppy shows up and puts up about 8 points on the next nine. Sadly, there is no little blue pill for this golf game. OMS is also suffering from a bad back and after Lubin gets through with him, he'll have a sore ring to match.

Prediction: 2nd Place and a bottle of fine liquor consumed to wash down painkillers. Little does his know, the liquor will make his ass hurt, right Lubes?




HOCKO - 'NuckBet Odds: 25/1

Beetle Bailey is the man this year, singlehandedly putting this together with organisational skills rivalled by only Yoss. He has endured the wrath of Tourfit in the process, who was last heard mumbling something about stealing his thunder.

Why He'll Win: Hock's is playing off more than double his handicap from a year ago. He's got the distance to fully take advantage of The Lakes. He is also the lightest horse out of the gates, so he should have a speed advantage.

Why He Won't Win: When the winds pick up on the 12th at The Cut, Hocko will end up in the Ocean. The only way to prevent this would to fill his pockets with Tourfit's lunch, which will unfortunately be finished before he reaches the 150m marker on the 3rd.

Prediction: 7th place and he'll try to control the beers, but will give in and consume 23 over the two days.



IDGOLFGUY - 'NuckBet Odds: 8/1

ID is a champs weekend mainstay. He never fails to attended, even if he forgets to tell his wife. His golf game has done a 180 recently and the cap has dropped. Some are attributing it to healthy living and weight loss. I attribute it to him getting some morals and ceasing to be a bandit.

Why He'll Win: Experience, in both Tantric practices, as well as on the golf course. He's lost one champs on extra holes, so he knows what it takes to almost go all the way. Perhaps it was the Tantra lifestyle that stopped him from reaching climax and victory. His game has improved in all areas and he is finally able to hit the XXXXStiff blades that he insists on using.

Why He Won't Win: His brain. He's improved his putting 100%, but once a short putt or two is missed, all are missed. Also, he runs the risk of running out of golf balls at The Cut as his phone will take up 80% of free bag space.

Prediction: 5th place and a little over 1/2 a bottle of scotch. It will be touch to measure as he like to pour drinks for others.





COSMO - 'NuckBet Odds: 100/1

Cosmo is becoming quite the OzGolfer, traveling to the Minor Champs in QLD in preparation for the big show. Can she handle the pressure of being the only female at champs? I don't think so. Good thing we have Lubin as Saturday night is dress and heels night.

Why She'll Win: She could put up a very big score at the Lakes, depending on tee placement. The conditions at The Cut on day two could be the key.

Why She Won't Win: The lack of a BBQ dinner could greatly affect her psyche. Can she handle a chilli dog? Will she even attempt it? There are too many question surrounding this Lass' game and the fact that the Friday tune up with be played at Binny where the only running water will be streaming from my johnson on to a tree will leave her in an angry mood.

Prediction: 10th Place and 2.5 bottles of wine in an attempt to numb the pain of listening to Tourfit talk about Petenoustie for two nights straight.





GOLFNUT - 'Nuckbet Odds: 75/1

Golfnut has received his first leave pass since 1984 when Nonna' let him go to Little Guido's to watch Italy play in the World Cup. He is going to make the most of his limited time and condense it all so that he can be home by 3pm on Sunday for his weekly sit down brunch.

Why He'll Win:

Why He Won't Win: Nut's game has improved by leaps and bounds, but he still gets intimidated by certain shots and courses. The Cut is going to tear him a new one and mindf*ck him for a month. He'll be seen touring around Freo sitting on his John Deere talking to himself like Rain Man saying "I can't believe I hit the gay fade, I can't believe I hit the gay fade, I can't believe I hit the gay fade, Sand Dune, Sand Dune, Sand Dune!"

Prediction: NAGA and 8.5 beers. He'll have to stay sober for the hourly phone calls to check in.

PART 3

PART 4

Too good to be hidden away.

[Johnny Canuck]

Part 2 tonight.

Are the attachments showing up? I am on my phone and can't see them.

If they are not, it's worth the click for the non WAnkers to see what we all look like.

[Yossarian]

Bloody attachments!

[rubin]

I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

[MegaWatty]

I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

Seriously?

[Cosmopolite]

Doh!

[Johnny Canuck]

Because she lives across the road from a guy named Jerry.

[rubin]

yeah - never mind.

[Courty]

Are the attachments showing up?

They are for me.

I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

Because she lives across the road from a guy named Jerry.

[Yossarian]

Pics fixed!

[Pieface]

Idgolfguy isn't waving anymore

[TourFit]

Why would he wave to you...he doesn't even like you!

[Shadesy]

I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

This amused me..

[Jarro]

Ugly bunch

[TourFit]

I think this will be a suitable pic for the Cwazy Canuck to use...

jack-ths-shining.jpg

[Johnny Canuck]

Stoking the fire. Nice move, Fit. I look forward to typing up yours.

[Pieface]

Why would he wave to you...he doesn't even like you!

Ouch!

Good luck parking your car this weekend

[Yossarian]

[Daz_Golfa]

Noice!!!!

[rubin]

Still waiting on part 2!

[Johnny Canuck]

Are you sure? Packing first. Want to have an early night to beat this cold.

[Yossarian]

Boo I thought that was part two!

[hocko]

Sore Rocks, once you finish packing you should start paying!
You are the only one that hasn't.

[Ned]

Salary sacrifice ?

[hocko]

Maybe a $60 novated lease?