did I do the wrong thing ??

[damoocow]

Just after your learned opinions............

On Tuesday night at footy training [under 9's] , my son [smallest in the team ] was being pushed around by the one of the largest in the team , who appears to have a propensity for picking on anyone smaller than him , and who has been a real pain in the ar$e for my son [and others] this season, , I was watching training and having talked to my son earlier in the year about dealing with bullies was encouraged to see him at first ignoring then telling the bully to stop and finally trying to stop it by physical means - pushing the bully away...........as none of these seemed to be working and in danger of the situation escalating [the bully's mother did nothing but look on] I walked into the training session and physically [but no more than a school teacher would if a pupil appeared to be in some physical danger...and please don't quiz me on this point, I have been a teacher for almost 20 years and I know what is acceptable and what is not] moved the aggressor away at least 50 - 60 cms , told him he was a bully and to pick on someone his own size and it was time to stop bullying people, praised my son for trying to deal with the situation in the right way and calmly walked back out of the training session............later that night I had a call from the coach asking me to please in future let him know of any problems and not take matters into my own hands , but overall he understood that I was concerned for the safety of my son and the phone call was amicable.......................................... .....................
cut to Thursday night training and at the end of the session I am approached by the bully's father [who has NEVER ATTENDED A TRAINING SESSION in the last year and a half........but made a special effort tonight] .......he proceeded to tell me in a very aggressive manner that if i went near his son again he would 'rip off my balls and shove them down my throat'...........I stayed calm [mainly because he was BIG and I sensed that he was making a very bad career move here] and simply told him to deal with his son's behaviour.......he continued his intimidation, and called my son a 'sook' and I continued to tell him to deal with his son's behaviour, while he continued to make verbal threats..................when I got home I rang the club president who is currently investigating the incident [the threats are in breach of the club code of conduct and possibly worthy of a police complaint]..what is most concerning though is the premeditated nature of the bail up....someone who has never come to training make a special effort to harass someone else...........no complaint to the coach or the club, but willing to make serious verbal threats [after planning what to say I guess]........................further instalments are due tomorrow I would say.

damoocow

[markTHEblake]

further instalments are due tomorrow I would say.


Can you use proper pronunciation and grammar next time?

(I guess your just a bit tense at the thought of losing your balls)

I dont think you did the wrong thing but what would have you done if your wife came back from footy training and said that some weird looking boofhead threatened your son.

Obviously he is a boofhead anyway - its rugby league isnt it?

[Matt 3 Jab]

Verbal threats, he must be 4 years old in the head that dad, if he touches you ever so slightly, thats assult, invation of person and you can have him charged (although no real punishment i spose) with assult. Now this would make him angry, but who cares, with maybe a prior conviction or something he could settle down, if not and things continute to get worse for your son and you, well avo the sucker and make sure the whole damn world knows the kid and his dad are trouble.
Do this before i get in the force, i dont wanna have to deal with another avo ;)
aside from that, you did the right thing, and good to see some people have brains.
my 2c's

[Jarro]

you did the right thing Moo ... gotta stick up for the kids.

Let the club deal with the bullying father though, and see if you can get some other parents onside as well ... must be some that are willing to help out here.

[PeteyD]

You can see where the son gets his behavior from. Let the club deal with the threats, bloke is a knob.

But next time speak to the coach. As a coach of little monsters myself, bullying is something you have to keep an eye on, but it often happens when you are not watching.

[3oneday]

you shoulda decked him......

[amanda]

I'd get some of the brochures on how parents can stop bullying and pass them on to him :) But I think you did the right thing - what parent would stand by and let their child be injured?

[Keza_G]

Damo...

Like father like son, the parent is obviously displaying the behaviour to the boy.... I agree with PeteyD, but also rckon 3oneday is the go !!!! the man's a knob and will always be... It's families like that that destroy the game for what it is.... Kids having fun.... nothing more nothing less..

you did the right thing moo....

Cheers

Keza

[Flowergirl]

I think you should have spoken to the coach first - then - if nothing had been done about it - you should have spoken to the mother. Then your actions would have been justified.
Sorry - but the more I think about it the more wrong I think you were. You should never have approached the child yourself.You over stepped the line there. If the coach and the club were not prepared to do anything about it then you would have to seriously think whether you want your son to be involved with such a club.
I was involved with Little Athletics for 10 years and there were many kids I wanted to strangle - believe me.

[peter_rs]

Ok this is a post from a different point of view- As a coach and ref

Damo as a coach if I'm un aware of the bullying I can go nothing (most coaches are aware of problem kids) with out know the kids it hard to judge some kids play rough during sport. Bring it to his attention at some stage, If you think your kid was in danger yell out to the coach as you walk on the park the bully will be shocked because now the session is stopped and the coach will hold more weight with the bully, then a "protect parent" giving a lecture no matter how well intended.

Having said that you did want you felt was best.

As a coach and ref I have stopped training to talk to kids & their parents if required (this includes parents bullying their own kids). I have ask some parents to leave and not come back. I have even stopped games. If they don't there child can be removed from the side. Its never nice but in the end the club will stand behind most coaches.

[AndyP]

damo, you reacted spontaneously to your son being physically threatened, and in the circumstances dealt with it very well, I think.

[andylo]

Instead of juding right or wrong in that issue I think your son will very proud of you because you stand up for him.

When I was little my dad stand up for me a few time and I love him for that forever :D

[Moe Norman]

Take him to your local AFL club, Rugby League is full of animals :D

[Courty]

Being calm & diplomatic is the best way to handle those situations. Losing your own temper will only exacerbate & possibly provocate the situation.
You are to be congratulated on you behaviour.

[connico]

When I was smaller, dad would let me deal with my own bullies...he though it was good for my character, by the time I hit nine I had a very mean streak, esp towards bullies. I dont blame my dad, I blame myself for dealing it with the wrong way, but I put a bully in hospital when i was 13. I think while you could have let the coach handle the situation, you had every right from removing the situation but you had no right in talking directly to the kid, while it was valid response to have in that situation.

But i do congratulate your son on his ablity to stand up for himself.

[damoocow]

Current update is that the Club President rang the father bully and he displayed no remorse about his actions [threats] during the call...father bully has been summonsed to a meeting at the club on Sunday......Father Bully said, 'I was just concerned about my son's safety', when quizzed about his actions.........according the the Club President this defence doesn't hold water as he had 2 days to contact either the club/coach/other parent and chose to do nothing but wait to confront me at the next training session............thanks for your input , I can see where you are all coming from and it is helpful............I am looking for a formal apology from father bully [at the very least], will wait and see if that ocurrs.......would really prefer to see him and son asked to go to another club.

damoocow

[macleod]

pm me, all things can be sorted out.

congrats on the progress though.

it's a shame to think his son may never understand what he was doing he was wrong though....

that's why i carry this....just unsheath and pick your fingernails casually....sorts most issues out i find.
http://home.teegee.com.au/scottliddle/Scottkhukuri.jpg

[connico]

As a curious asian that love his knives...i dont see anything practical about that knive???... besides the fact that its intimidating...the blade is the wrong way around.... tell me whats the usage of that kinda blade??? skinning?

[imoveableobstruction]

Damo, I would have given the club a courtesy call before ringing the police re the bully dad. Clubs trying to deal with parent v parent issues will generally only make matters worse. The police are obliged to have a word in this ****heads ear and hopefully put the frighteners thru him. If this dropkick ever gets in your face again get yourself to the local station.

[damoocow]

Update is that the father bully had strips ripped off him by the club president in a private meeting - I watched him strut into the meeting and watched him leave , head down , dead man walking .......and believe me he looked like a broken man - it was lovely to see....apparently he is on notice of expulsion from the club..........tried to do a Seve and get him to make eye contact with me after his meeting but he would only look away - 'why you not look into my eyes?'.................we are thinking of pulling the pin on this anyway.......find another activity for the young one - I think he wants to go back to RQ golf lessons so we may do that............

damoocow

[damoocow]

Damo, I would have given the club a courtesy call before ringing the police re the bully dad. Clubs trying to deal with parent v parent issues will generally only make matters worse. The police are obliged to have a word in this ****heads ear and hopefully put the frighteners thru him. If this dropkick ever gets in your face again get yourself to the local station.


didn't contact the police ........was waiting to see if the club could deal with it ...........satisfied with their efforts..........am letting it go now,

damoocow

[Jarro]

why not get a father/son package going with the pro at RQ then ... kill two birds with one stone.

[damoocow]

why not get a father/son package going with the pro at RQ then ... kill two birds with one stone.


sons lessons are the Greg Norman Jnr Golf Foundations, but if I kneel down and wear a cap with a propellor on the top I might get in ........

damoocow

[imoveableobstruction]

Glad you got a positive result. I hate bullies and cheats.

[macleod]

As a curious asian that love his knives...i dont see anything practical about that knive???... besides the fact that its intimidating...the blade is the wrong way around.... tell me whats the usage of that kinda blade??? skinning?

yeah, the nepalese have no idea when it comes to 'practical' blades... :D

mmmm....how to describe the whole history of the khukuri in a fast reply.......can't ;)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Khukuri

http://www.khukuriknife.com/khukuri_history.htm

[connico]

cool thanks man...looks like they can cut lol :)