Best sledge

[terryand]

What is the best sledge you have given,copped or heard.

i love the classic in match play....Still your putt.And " you can't hit it out of your shadow".

But the best I have heard was a father and son playing together. The son was 15 or 16 and off 2 or 3.

After the son missed a short putt the father piped up "bad luck deckchair" and as the son grumbled off with the father in fits of laughter, he could see my puzzled look and said,yeah he "folds under pressure".

Terry.

[Jarro]

Warnie : Hey Daryl, how come you're so fat ?

Cullinan : 'cos everytime i rooted your wife, she gave me a biscuit

one of the best ever 8)

[Moe Norman]

terry, you'll appreciate this one as a former indro member.

not really a sledge, but it'll do.

Playing the west at Indro in a matchplay event between staff of Indro Golf Shop and Brisbane Golf Shop - they had this new wanker who hadn't played Indro before and I was matched up against him. He won the 2nd hole and gave me a bit of a "Can't keep it on the fairway sledge" so we wander over to the third tee and I'm fuming that this wanker is sledging already. I have a few practice swings while he heads over and then let him have the honour due to winning the last hole.

Where do you think he hit it? I normally correct people, but not this tool....

[terryand]

terry, you'll appreciate this one as a former indro member.

not really a sledge, but it'll do.

Playing the west at Indro in a matchplay event between staff of Indro Golf Shop and Brisbane Golf Shop - they had this new wanker who hadn't played Indro before and I was matched up against him. He won the 2nd hole and gave me a bit of a "Can't keep it on the fairway sledge" so we wander over to the third tee and I'm fuming that this wanker is sledging already. I have a few practice swings while he heads over and then let him have the honour due to winning the last hole.

Where do you think he hit it? I normally correct people, but not this tool....

haha....did he have a shot at the green?

Terry.

[Moe Norman]

nope, he pushed it!


about 150 metres.... ;)

[Toolish]

and, for us non locals, do you care to explain?

[Ona]

who cares toolsih, didn't see a good sledge anywhere in there anyways.

"does your boyfriend play"

[Moe Norman]

when you approach the 3rd tee on the west at Indro it's not uncommon to mistakenly think it's the tee for the adjacent 7th fairway, generally if someone makes that mistake you correct them when they start lining up their shot.

On this ocassion I chose to stay quiet......;)

[terryand]

I could putt better than that with boxing gloves on.

Terry.

[markTHEblake]

I dunno if this counts a sledge or not, (but certainly gamesmanship) in a foursomes championships on the 36th and final green, I had a 10 footer to finish runner up. If I missed it we lost on a countback to the other foursome in my group.

One of the other guys (who was a mate as well) after he tapped in, said "dont forget thats for 2nd" and walked off the green and didnt look back.

It was only 2nd but it was an easy putt for an 18yo.

[chappy1970]

No offences ment to the female OzGolfers.

If a bloke has a putt of any length and leaves it considerably short
"Mate I think you just dropped your lipstick"

[Bruce]

I hope Liinda reads this thread. I am getting a bit sick of her "did your handbag get in the way?" every time I leave a putt short.

[Matt 3 Jab]

best i have coped, (being a bad putter) is i missed an easy putt, then a mate said "you should have cleaned that $hit off the end of your putter" as i look to the head of the putter he goes "nah, other end!"
couldnt stop laughing for days, i still use that one!

[Flowergirl]

best i have coped, (being a bad putter) is i missed an easy putt, then a mate said "you should have cleaned that $hit off the end of your putter" as i look to the head of the putter he goes "nah, other end!"
couldnt stop laughing for days, i still use that one!

Best one so far Matt.

And yep Chappy........I HATE that lipstick one. Hate it!!!!!:evil: :smt002

[chappy1970]

Best one so far Matt.

And yep Chappy........I HATE that lipstick one. Hate it!!!!!:evil: :smt002

Best that Bruce, you and me don't leave any putts short on Sunday or all hell could break loose

Chappy

[chappy1970]

best i have coped, (being a bad putter) is i missed an easy putt, then a mate said "you should have cleaned that $hit off the end of your putter" as i look to the head of the putter he goes "nah, other end!"
couldnt stop laughing for days, i still use that one!

I like it....thats gonna get a work out next time I play with the old man and his mates:-D

[Toolish]

Putts left short are just made for sledging...most are sexist, but still funny

Does you husband play too?
Did your putter get caught in your skirt there?
I think you dropped your lipstick.
So...do you squat?

And the old favourite when there are 2-3 feet left, "There is a bit of golf left in that one"

If you are talking about distractions ask someone if they breath in or out during the swing. Comment something about breaking their handicap, or if you play together ask them, so when did you change _____?

[terryand]

If you are talking about distractions ask someone if they breath in or out during the swing.

I fire straight back....Nah I hold my breathe.

Terry.

[BrisVegas]

after hitting a tee shot fat....

"Good shot outta that lie you had!"

[Bruce]

When someone gets lucky, ie. thins a shot over the water and skips the ball to safety, or has a tree knock it back into play, or hits a sprinkler head to get a favourable bounce etc.

"That was a gutsy shot. Not a lot of people would have attempted to <bounce it off the tree, skip the water etc.>"

[Matt 3 Jab]

hahahaha, some of them will be used on saturday!

[andylo]

Not exactly sledges but I got a few gems out of a recent golf mag.

- a diego maradona - a verry nasty 5 footer.
- a rodney king - overclubbed
- a cathy freedman - not pretty but runs along ok
- an adolph hitler - two shots in a bunker
- a rock hudson - thought it was straight but....

Good post :D

[connico]

wasnt putting very well all day...and was playing with dad and his mates

Originally in vietnamese
Dad:... ahh watch out there son..
Me: *looks around* what dad??
Dad: .. ahh that sh1t over there...points at my ball..
Me *confused* wat??
Dad: there *points* yeah that sh1t putt just ahead..

[andylo]

Does the next reply from you = "Dul Ma" :lol:

[Trung]

Does the next reply from you = "Dul Ma" :lol:

his head will be chopped off had he said that to his dad...

[andylo]

:lol: true... true... :lol: ROFL

[Matt 3 Jab]

must be an asian thing......................

[Jarro]

obviously ...... doesn't mean jack-$hit to me :roll:

[andylo]

pretty much a swear word equal to having affair with your own mum ;)

[Fishman Dan]

Roc Hudson beats bi any day!

[Keza_G]

Dunno if it counts as a sledge, as the person did not know what they were talking about....

I Shanked a shot and my caddy said.....

"Was that supposed to happen, aren't you supposed to hit the ball toward the flag ?"

later she said

"So when you hit the ball that way, that's not good huh ?"

I didn't throw a club at her all day.... after all she was my mum.... :)

[BrisWesty]

Keza, Don't bring your mum to ozgolf games. She's evil and doesn't even know it!

[markTHEblake]

- an adolph hitler - two shots in a bunker...

well they stuffed that one up - try it with something like "didnt make it out of the bunker".

actually the worst sledge of all time came from my mum. she does it every time we played golf together. I'll start getting a little cranky and she will say in that patronising voice you really hate "temper temper tsk tsk" and that really made me lose it.

[Fishman Dan]

I always thought a Hitler was '2 shots....' - it's historically sound.

[oz]

I refer to a mis-timed, but straight, drive as a condom shot. Didn't feel quite as good, but it's safe.....



Actually, I may have heard that here somewhere....... ?

[markTHEblake]

I think mine makes more sense than yours Blakey...back in your box !


it wasnt yours :confused:

you just cant stand it when i got one up on ya anyway and neither can your boyfreind.

How could hitler have taken two shots anyway? One in the head and....

The Hitler was something that was commonly used in Darwin years ago, never heard anyone else mention it before so its good to see it getting around.

[Bruce]

it wasnt yours :confused:

you just cant stand it when i got one up on ya anyway and neither can your boyfreind.

How could hitler have taken two shots anyway? One in the head and....

The Hitler was something that was commonly used in Darwin years ago, never heard anyone else mention it before so its good to see it getting around.

The historical antecedent stands up in the sense that the first shot was for Eva and the second for Adolf himself.

[markTHEblake]

You got me there Brucey. BUt didnt he poison Eva...

[Courty]

The historical antecedent stands up in the sense that the first shot was for Eva and the second for Adolf himself.

I had heard several versions of what happened, so I Googled it:
Early on the morning on April 29, 1945, in a civil ceremony in his bunker, Hitler married his mistress of many years, Eva Braun. The next day at a little after 3:30 p.m., they bit into thin glass vials of cyanide. As he did so, Hitler also shot himself in the head with a 7.65 mm Walther pistol.

[Matt 3 Jab]

I refer to a mis-timed, but straight, drive as a condom shot. Didn't feel quite as good, but it's safe.....
thats as good as it gets right there, 5 stars!

[markTHEblake]

I had heard several versions of what happened, so I Googled it:

didnt he go to argentina ? :-D

[Fishman Dan]

So much hype about nothing.. 2 shots in a bunker. Hitler. Easy. No need for overly-accurate historical (mis-)representation. We all get it... spot on Bruce.

That's like saying a ball skidding along the ground for 150 metres isn't a Kathy Freeman (ugly but a good runner).... because surely someone think she's attractive, therefore it's not entirely correct that we refer to her as......

Courty - i respect you, but if you Google as your historical reference again i won't respect you in the morning!

[brad]

What about the Cathy Freeman's Sister.

Ugly and didn't go anywhere .....

A comeback to a sledge when mis-hitting is ... well I like the lie a lot better over there.

Putt comes up short
- did you forget your skirt today (that one from Amanda)
- did you leave you purse/skirt in the clubhouse (also from Amanda)
- MARY!!! (shouted at the top of your lungs)
- you might want to hit the next on harder
- do you need some lead tape?
- I didn't think you'd get there either
- I'll give you $5 if you miss this one as well

as you can tell, I have left a couple short .... :)

[Fishman Dan]

Most mis-hits of mine are follwed by "Just a chip-and-a-putt from there.." or "playing to my strengths". The latter makes you look much better if you manage that up'n'down from 60 metres for 5/2..

Mind you, that's probably me just trying to keep from exploding :roll:

[mike]

My favourite is simply " you suck at golf ."

Works a treat in match play.

[Courty]

One that I picked up while playing Pennants. Said just after opponent plays a nice shot.

"You get it in a nice position at the top"

Subtle, but gets them thinking about it and can throw off their rhythm

[Moe Norman]

1 Rod Marsh & Ian Botham: When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

2. Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne: As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him. "Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

10. Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player (Adam Parore) comes to the crease playing & missing the first ball. Mark "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were s**t then, you're f***ing useless now". Parore- (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly sl*t & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c***".

11. Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up,"Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it."


that last one is my fav

[brad]

I thought the first one was pretty good :)

[BrisWesty]

So Moe, what happened to sledges 3-9?

[Moe Norman]

i only posted the good ones

[Speirsy11]

I've heard of a few good ones, but the best was probably one that Fred Couples aparently used on a Pro-Am partner he had years ago. This guy wasn't hitting it too good, adn was going headless everytime he hit a poor shot. After about 5 holes, Freddie comes up and says to the guy "You need to relax, you're not good enough to get that mad". Sound advice for most of us I'd say........

Dan, I'm surprised you haven't commented on the LOFT problem you had that first time we played........

Speirsy

[markTHEblake]

One that I picked up while playing Pennants. Said just after opponent plays a nice shot.

"You get it in a nice position at the top"

Subtle, but gets them thinking about it and can throw off their rhythm

I'd be inclined to consider that advice and therefore - Loss of Hole.
grey area though (depending on exact choice of words and the context), but if it was to be referred to an official I would be pretty confident he would apply the penalty.

[Stoney]

Another couple of Pennants classics.

After your oponent hits an average shot and clearly cranky, just say "Nice swing" and keep walking.

or when they leave a putt short and it is clearly a gimmie, say "good putt, if you hit it, bad luck"

[Boonie]

My fav cricket one also involved Mark Waugh. Can't remember the guys name, but he was an ordinary County player who got a game when England were crap. He came in to bat and Mark Waugh has said:

"F***, how in the hell did you get a game, you can't bat" or something to that effect.

The response:

"At least I'm the best player in my family" Great comeback!!

[PRC]

Best one I've copped was from Dean Jones, "How many f__n games have you played for Australia c__t?"

[Grunt]

Played in an ambrose event this morning and heard one of the best sledges I have ever heard from the Boeing Technical Representative I was playing with. Unfortunatly it is too offensive to be able to repeat it here but if I get the chance to repeat it I will and those with me may also enjoy it.

[PRC]

As for golf I've heard the old chestnut "I've seen cavemen with better clubs than those" a few times.