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View Full Version : WA: WANKER Champs NuckBet Odd Thread.



Yossarian
10th November 2011, 04:54 PM
Captain Canuck, founder of 'NuckBet, is here to review the field for the weekend:

http://img856.imageshack.us/img856/4536/99759189.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/856/99759189.jpg/)


NUFFIE: 'NuckBet Odds: 11/1

The Street Fighting Lleyton Hewitt always seems to save his best performances for the big stage on OzGolf days. An experienced Champs participant knows what he is getting into this weekend. Hopefully this year, he shows up with more than a 6 pack of Carlton Cold.

Why He'll Win: The Nuffster is steady and can rise to the occasion when it is not higher than 5 feet. A seasoned veteran, he might not have the length to fully take advantage of Dunny Lakes, but he should shine at The Cut when control is the key.

Why He Won't Win: Nuffster seems pretty attached to Rubin's nutsac at the moment. This could inhibit his swing. He may also suffer being away from his latest man-crush, Veeman. He might need to drop the Veeman pom poms to hold his clubs. In the past, the Nuffster has choked when the pressure is on. Memories of being 4 up with 4 to play at KBay still haunt the little one and he wakes up scared with wet sheets at least once per month as a result.

Prediction: 4th place and 7 beers consumed on the weekend.

http://img339.imageshack.us/img339/6121/oldmanwinking.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/339/oldmanwinking.jpg/)

SIMMSY - 'NuckBet Odds: 14/1

OMS is making a return to Champs. An original WAnker, he will grit his 4 teeth and 28 dentures and compete with the best of them.

Why He'll Win: There are three guarantees in life: death, taxes and OMS putting up 22+ points over a 9 hole span at some point on the weekend. He's owned every driver released since 2005, so he has a pretty good idea what works for him.

Why He Won't Win: As he is a little older than most, after he blows his load on the 22+ points, Mr. Floppy shows up and puts up about 8 points on the next nine. Sadly, there is no little blue pill for this golf game. OMS is also suffering from a bad back and after Lubin gets through with him, he'll have a sore ring to match.

Prediction: 2nd Place and a bottle of fine liquor consumed to wash down painkillers. Little does his know, the liquor will make his ass hurt, right Lubes?


http://img822.imageshack.us/img822/7748/thin2.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/822/thin2.jpg/)

HOCKO - 'NuckBet Odds: 25/1

Beetle Bailey is the man this year, singlehandedly putting this together with organisational skills rivalled by only Yoss. He has endured the wrath of Tourfit in the process, who was last heard mumbling something about stealing his thunder.

Why He'll Win: Hock's is playing off more than double his handicap from a year ago. He's got the distance to fully take advantage of The Lakes. He is also the lightest horse out of the gates, so he should have a speed advantage.

Why He Won't Win: When the winds pick up on the 12th at The Cut, Hocko will end up in the Ocean. The only way to prevent this would to fill his pockets with Tourfit's lunch, which will unfortunately be finished before he reaches the 150m marker on the 3rd.

Prediction: 7th place and he'll try to control the beers, but will give in and consume 23 over the two days.

http://img84.imageshack.us/img84/9170/mehr64.gif (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/84/mehr64.gif/)

IDGOLFGUY - 'NuckBet Odds: 8/1

ID is a champs weekend mainstay. He never fails to attended, even if he forgets to tell his wife. His golf game has done a 180 recently and the cap has dropped. Some are attributing it to healthy living and weight loss. I attribute it to him getting some morals and ceasing to be a bandit.

Why He'll Win: Experience, in both Tantric practices, as well as on the golf course. He's lost one champs on extra holes, so he knows what it takes to almost go all the way. Perhaps it was the Tantra lifestyle that stopped him from reaching climax and victory. His game has improved in all areas and he is finally able to hit the XXXXStiff blades that he insists on using.

Why He Won't Win: His brain. He's improved his putting 100%, but once a short putt or two is missed, all are missed. Also, he runs the risk of running out of golf balls at The Cut as his phone will take up 80% of free bag space.

Prediction: 5th place and a little over 1/2 a bottle of scotch. It will be touch to measure as he like to pour drinks for others.



http://img215.imageshack.us/img215/4361/thecramer.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/215/thecramer.jpg/)

COSMO - 'NuckBet Odds: 100/1

Cosmo is becoming quite the OzGolfer, traveling to the Minor Champs in QLD in preparation for the big show. Can she handle the pressure of being the only female at champs? I don't think so. Good thing we have Lubin as Saturday night is dress and heels night.

Why She'll Win: She could put up a very big score at the Lakes, depending on tee placement. The conditions at The Cut on day two could be the key.

Why She Won't Win: The lack of a BBQ dinner could greatly affect her psyche. Can she handle a chilli dog? Will she even attempt it? There are too many question surrounding this Lass' game and the fact that the Friday tune up with be played at Binny where the only running water will be streaming from my johnson on to a tree will leave her in an angry mood.

Prediction: 10th Place and 2.5 bottles of wine in an attempt to numb the pain of listening to Tourfit talk about Petenoustie for two nights straight.


http://img21.imageshack.us/img21/1731/0003070222142552.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/21/0003070222142552.jpg/)


GOLFNUT - 'Nuckbet Odds: 75/1

Golfnut has received his first leave pass since 1984 when Nonna' let him go to Little Guido's to watch Italy play in the World Cup. He is going to make the most of his limited time and condense it all so that he can be home by 3pm on Sunday for his weekly sit down brunch.

Why He'll Win:

Why He Won't Win: Nut's game has improved by leaps and bounds, but he still gets intimidated by certain shots and courses. The Cut is going to tear him a new one and mindf*ck him for a month. He'll be seen touring around Freo sitting on his John Deere talking to himself like Rain Man saying "I can't believe I hit the gay fade, I can't believe I hit the gay fade, I can't believe I hit the gay fade, Sand Dune, Sand Dune, Sand Dune!"

Prediction: NAGA and 8.5 beers. He'll have to stay sober for the hourly phone calls to check in.

PART 3
(http://www.ozgolf.net/showthread.php/26087-WANKER-Champs-NuckBet-Odd-Thread.?p=721388&viewfull=1#post721388)
PART 4 (http://www.ozgolf.net/showthread.php/26087-WANKER-Champs-NuckBet-Odd-Thread.?p=721402&viewfull=1#post721402)

Too good to be hidden away.

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 04:59 PM
Part 2 tonight.

Are the attachments showing up? I am on my phone and can't see them.

If they are not, it's worth the click for the non WAnkers to see what we all look like.

Yossarian
10th November 2011, 04:59 PM
Bloody attachments!

rubin
10th November 2011, 05:00 PM
I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

MegaWatty
10th November 2011, 05:02 PM
I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer? Seriously?

Cosmopolite
10th November 2011, 05:03 PM
Doh!

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 05:03 PM
Because she lives across the road from a guy named Jerry.

rubin
10th November 2011, 05:06 PM
yeah - never mind. :oops:

Courty
10th November 2011, 05:06 PM
Are the attachments showing up?

They are for me.


I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

#-o


Because she lives across the road from a guy named Jerry.

:lol:

Yossarian
10th November 2011, 05:07 PM
Pics fixed!

Pieface
10th November 2011, 05:08 PM
Idgolfguy isn't waving anymore :(

TourFit
10th November 2011, 05:19 PM
Why would he wave to you...he doesn't even like you! :)

Shadesy
10th November 2011, 05:22 PM
I have to ask - why is Cosmo's pic Kramer?

This amused me..

Jarro
10th November 2011, 05:29 PM
Ugly bunch

TourFit
10th November 2011, 05:34 PM
I think this will be a suitable pic for the Cwazy Canuck to use...

14360

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 05:41 PM
Stoking the fire. Nice move, Fit. I look forward to typing up yours.

Pieface
10th November 2011, 05:42 PM
Why would he wave to you...he doesn't even like you! :)

Ouch! :(

Good luck parking your car this weekend :mrgreen:

Yossarian
10th November 2011, 05:52 PM
http://img607.imageshack.us/img607/5482/photo1kqq.jpg (http://imageshack.us/photo/my-images/607/photo1kqq.jpg/)

Daz_Golfa
10th November 2011, 07:51 PM
Noice!!!!

rubin
10th November 2011, 09:17 PM
Still waiting on part 2!

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 09:23 PM
Are you sure? Packing first. Want to have an early night to beat this cold.

Yossarian
10th November 2011, 09:39 PM
Boo I thought that was part two!

hocko
10th November 2011, 09:53 PM
Sore Rocks, once you finish packing you should start paying!
You are the only one that hasn't.

Ned
10th November 2011, 09:54 PM
Salary sacrifice ?

hocko
10th November 2011, 09:56 PM
Maybe a $60 novated lease?

Shadesy
10th November 2011, 10:06 PM
Maybe a $60 novated lease?

He's waiting for tomorrows skins...

simmsy
10th November 2011, 10:06 PM
Sorocks has got $120 in his back pocket for tomorrow don't you Sorocks!

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 10:18 PM
Idgolfguy isn't waving anymore :(You're too tall and I can't lift my arms above my shoulders at the moment.

rubin
10th November 2011, 10:27 PM
You're too tall and I can't lift my arms above my shoulders at the moment.

How are u going to play 3 days of golf?

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 10:32 PM
Always do.

Not many know that I had a cracked rib first ever champs from a fall earlier in the week. I didn't tell my wife until I got back.

Yossarian
10th November 2011, 10:33 PM
Domestic violence is a crime ID!

TourFit
10th November 2011, 10:34 PM
Always do.

Not many know that I had a cracked rib first ever champs from a fall earlier in the week. I didn't tell my wife until I got back.

How could you crack a rib falling from that height...?

Hurry up Sore-Rocks, we'd ALL like to get to bed a little early. And not finishing what you started seems a bit pointless (or that's what your missus told me anyway)

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 10:38 PM
Installing a Sun M5000 server into a rack on my own. Caught it with my chest when it fell.

Was an OSH issue and kept it to myself.

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 10:40 PM
How are u going to play 3 days of golf? Golf is played with your arms below your shoulders.

rubin
10th November 2011, 10:41 PM
Installing a Sun M5000 server into a rack on my own. Caught it with my chest when it fell.

Was an OSH issue and kept it to myself.

**** that - claim it mate (I'm assuming it's at work). Workers compensation will cover the expenses. Regardless of whether it's an ohs issue or not.

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 10:45 PM
Sore Rocks, once you finish packing you should start paying!
You are the only one that hasn't.

I pm'd you. I can't transfer cash at the moment to unlinked accounts with my phone number being dead.


Sorocks has got $120 in his back pocket for tomorrow don't you Sorocks!

I will.

It'll be about $150 after Binningup.


How could you crack a rib falling from that height...?

Hurry up Sore-Rocks, we'd ALL like to get to bed a little early. And not finishing what you started seems a bit pointless (or that's what your missus told me anyway)

Getting started now. I take it you've finished the cheeseburgers?

rubin
10th November 2011, 10:49 PM
He's only half way through. He saving some for breakfast on the way down.

Feel sorry for tommy having to endure the cheese smell in the tour ditch truck.

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 10:52 PM
**** that - claim it mate (I'm assuming it's at work). Workers compensation will cover the expenses. Regardless of whether it's an ohs issue or not.Not if it was unsanctioned and I played golf after the accident.

adlo
10th November 2011, 10:53 PM
Keen to see the odds for the rest of the field. I would put a few $$s on IDGG at those prices.

I imagine the Soroks Prick will have himself on short odds.

rubin
10th November 2011, 10:54 PM
Not if it was unsanctioned and I played golf after the accident.

Mate in all honesty, worth trying. It won't do u any harm, and in basic rules - if u did it at work, while doing work, u can claim it. Regardless of what u did afterwards.

Shadesy
10th November 2011, 10:56 PM
I hope I haven't stolen your pic sore rocks...

Uncanny resemblance although I reckon the Burglar is a better dresser -

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oIgKEeQ6CKc/TS4xE11n5TI/AAAAAAAAAN8/zrst5urWQMI/s1600/hamburglar.jpg

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 11:10 PM
Mate in all honesty, worth trying. It won't do u any harm, and in basic rules - if u did it at work, while doing work, u can claim it. Regardless of what u did afterwards.I didn't take of work and not the sort of thing I'd do. I appreciate the advice.A cracked rib is not major so it wasn't a real inconvenience. When we're playing I'll tell you about my Bali experience in hospital for 8 stitches and 6 broken bones.

idgolfguy
10th November 2011, 11:11 PM
I hope I haven't stolen your pic sore rocks...Uncanny resemblance although I reckon the Burglar is a better dresser -http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oIgKEeQ6CKc/TS4xE11n5TI/AAAAAAAAAN8/zrst5urWQMI/s1600/hamburglar.jpg Very good.

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 11:21 PM
I hope I haven't stolen your pic sore rocks...

Uncanny resemblance although I reckon the Burglar is a better dresser -

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_oIgKEeQ6CKc/TS4xE11n5TI/AAAAAAAAAN8/zrst5urWQMI/s1600/hamburglar.jpg


Almost done #3. This picture came into consideration, not a word of a lie.

Are you down on Friday night?

Shadesy
10th November 2011, 11:24 PM
Nope!

Johnny Canuck
10th November 2011, 11:32 PM
Captain Canuck, founder of 'NuckBet, is back with part two of his field review.


14363

DAZGOLFA' - 'Nutcap Odds: 8/1

DAZGolfa has been a steady performer, provided he can make it to the course on time. Watching him stalk down the fairway hunched over carrying his clubs brings back memories of a young Quasimodo stalking around the bell tower. Daz is the darkest skinned WAnker* and he is out to pop a cap in someone's ass this weekend.

Why He'll Win: Daz's short game is tidier than Mrs. Nuts rose garden after a waxing on the third Thursday of every month. His creativity around the greens is reminiscent of watching Tourfit pile food on a plate at a Chinese Buffet that doesn't allow a second helping. He's never out of a hole with the magic putter he possesses.

Why He Won't Win: 'Nuck bet odds are 2/1 that Daz will either show up at the wrong time, wrong course, or both. The only thing worse than his time management was his attempt at humour about six months again. "Not my cup of tea!", STFU!

Prediction: We have a contender. 1st with 8 X 40ounces of malt liquor consumed on the weekend, Yo.

Disclaimer * When standing next to MegaWatty, Simmsy and Tourfit's Pants.

14364

TOMMMYG - 'NuckCap Odds: 9/1

Tommyg is a relative unknown to a lot of the WA crown, myself included. All we really know about him is that he is a bandit off of his made up cap, he likes to lowball and ho :smt023, and he goes to bars with Lubin, who appears to be quite the photographer. Great use of the lights, Lube!

Why He'll Win: When Fit stopped talking about Pete and his tour only Voodoo shaft today, he mentioned that Tommyg can hit it a long way and has a decent all around game. I don't listen to much of what Fit says, but I'll have to take it into consideration. I don't have much more information because Fit went right back into the cheeseburgers.

Why He Won't Win: Rookie nerves. The last time a WAnker was this nervous was when Nuffie lost his virginity on his wedding night. There is a big difference between warm apple pie and the big show. He is also travelling to champs with Fit and unfortunately, the courses we are playing are nothing like Carnoustie!

Prediction: 2nd in extra holes/countback, 22 beers consumed on the weekend and a handicap adjustment.

14365


SHADESY (before the haircut) - 'Nuckbet Odds: 16/1

Shadesy has been talking things up like a wildman the past few weeks, but I think we might be in for a royal let down. Too hard and fast, too soon (aka Tourfit's Mrs puts in a call to The 'Nuck) could definitely apply here. He's got sneaky game when he is on and could definitely factor in the heavily-Fit-disputed prize money over the weekend.

Why He Will Win: Shadesy has the capability of playing like a single capper for extended periods. Yours truly saw this first hand when I shot 75 and handed him my hard earned Internet money.

Why He Won't Win: Shadesy the Wildman will make an appearance and he terrorise a groups of 16 year old girls. He's capable of ending up in a holding cell in a position strangely similar to what Lubin will have a roofied-up Nuffie in around 2am. If he goes as hard as he says, there is a good chance that he might not even make it to The Cut.

Predicition: 5th place and 13 beers consumed over the one night. It's disappointing Golfnut Shadesy couldn't grow a set and show up for both nights of champs. His participation is future champs will depend on his behaviour this weekend.

Yossarian
10th November 2011, 11:43 PM
LOL

Shadesy
10th November 2011, 11:50 PM
H.I. Larious

Johnny Canuck
11th November 2011, 12:27 AM
Captain Canuck, founder of 'NuckBet, is back with the final instalment of his field review



14366

Johnny Canuck - 'Nuckbet Odds: Wagering currently suspended*

The People's Champion. The one with Millions and Millions of fans. The Ladies Man, The 'Nuck! Is finally coming back to Duns-bor-ough. It's standing room only at the party holes as all the pretty ladies flock hoping to catch a glimpse of the most electrifying man in golf entertainment, The Great One.

The 'Nuck has been a champs mainstay, always showing up, always having a good time and sometimes, playing some good golf. His game has stabilised a little bit since a recent swing change, throwing up 4 flags in his last 5 rounds. Will that be enough this weekend?

Why He'll Win: The 'Nuck is known for big shots at champs. Whether it be an approach on the 19th at Bunbury to seal a champs victory, or an ace on the 8th at DCC to break Nuffie's little heart, the 'Nuck is guaranteed to do something exciting.

The 'Nuck's game is fairly steady. When the driver or irons aren't flying straight, the wedges and putter have been known to bail him out of a tight spot, like Lubin in the back of a Volkswagen. The low marker of the group, he'll need to replicate this recent consistent patch to have a shot.

Why He Won't Win: Handicap. The 'Nuck is off 4, been playing to it, but it has been some very ugly golf to do so. This type of golf simply won't cut it this weekend. Recently, he has been missing his killer instinct and has been caught losing interest in rounds. It's a little late for Rotella time.

Prediction: A somewhat healthy 'Nuck will finish in a tie for 3rd and take the best gross. A sick 'Nuck could fall as far as 7th depending on the severity of the cold. Beer consumption tbd, although he always puts in a strong effort.


14367


LUBIN - 'Nuckbet Odds: 8/1

The Lubinator has been the talk of the Australia golf world ever since he's leapt out of the closet and on to the scene. He can hit the ball and absolute mile, in any direction. He's been working hard on asses his game and strategically been avoiding comps rounds. Is he a chance this weekend? The author thinks so.

Why He'll Win: Once again, handicap. The Penetrator is a much more capable golfer than his handicap would indicate. Some might say that he has been flying under the gheydar for a while. He could absolutely tear up Dunsborough Lakes due to the fact that it only has 7 trees. Having a big lead after one round would put Lubin in an unfamiliar position, as he won't have to come from behind. He is also rumoured to have one of the best footwedges in WA.

Why He Won't Win: Lack of control. When your most famous shot involves hitting the ball over a church, you know you have some issues. Let's paint a picture: Hole 16, The Cut. Aka "The Double NTP Party Hole". Lubin sitting on a 2 point lead, comfortably steps up to the ball. His chosen music, "What What In the Butt Butt" is echoing loudly from the speakers. Hundreds of black leather clad men chat "Lubin, Lubin, Lubin!" He takes it back, swings, and the crowd dives for cover. Shank you very much.

Prediction: The Loobster will be close, but no cigar as he crumbles down the final three holes to tie for 3rd. He'll consume 18 Vodka Cruisers over the weekend.


14368

TOURFIT - 'Nuckbet Odds: 8/1

Mayor McCheese has been playing solid golf recently. He said so himself. The conversation was something like "Pete, Petenousties, CarPeteStie, I've been hitting it decent, Pete, get me a cheeseburger with extra Pete sauce".

The Not Fit one has been rolling through the match play, rolling through the drive thru and rolling into ditches.

He talks a good game, but will he perform?

Why He'll Win: Form. His round stomach and game have been steady lately and he is confident heading into the weekend. He'll be travelling with 43 putters, so he'll be ready for any condition. His specialised grips are grease resistant, so the cheeseburgers should not factor in.

Why He Won't Win: There is a good chance that Tourfit could injure his wrist due to over aggressive swirling as he debates the optimum time to open a bottle of red. His webbed feet are also a question mark as they are carrying close to 180kg, but carts on Sunday should help. If The Cut doesn't sell cheeseburgers, withdrawl symptoms could also ruin his chances.

Prediction: Flashes of brilliance, ketchup stained shirts and a decent showing. 6th on a countback, a bottle and a half of red and 9 cheeseburgers (on Saturday).


Good luck to all, we'll see you down south.

The 'Nuck.

idgolfguy
11th November 2011, 12:47 AM
Amen to that!

TourFit
11th November 2011, 01:23 AM
Just read this now on my phone...the drive thru chick (hmmmm, late night cheeseburgers!) thinks I'm a looney

Cosmopolite
11th November 2011, 09:02 AM
very creative stuff JC!

Golfnut
11th November 2011, 10:40 AM
This would have to be the funniest, most creative thread ever created on this forum.....JC, you have out done yourself this year mate. Thoroughly enjoyed the read!

Pieface
11th November 2011, 10:52 AM
Great Stuff JC. Hope you guys have a blast.

I'll have an imaginary $10 on shadesy to lead after round 1 :)

Yossarian
11th November 2011, 04:04 PM
Yossarian likes this thread a lot.

Shadesy
11th November 2011, 04:20 PM
shouldn't you be studying

Yossarian
11th November 2011, 04:22 PM
Shouldn't you be working.

Shadesy
11th November 2011, 04:23 PM
touche'...Winding down for the weekend.

Yossarian
11th November 2011, 04:25 PM
I'm just reviewing estoppel. Trade?

Shadesy
11th November 2011, 04:28 PM
I'm putting pretty pictures of Aircraft on a Tender Proposal....so no! If you had of asked me an hour ago I might of!

Johnny Canuck
11th November 2011, 11:01 PM
Thanks boys and girl. Glad you enjoyed my hard work.

Daz_Golfa
15th November 2011, 01:17 AM
Fantastic.

tommyg
15th November 2011, 01:58 PM
Still waiting on your wrap-up jc....

Nuffie
15th November 2011, 02:31 PM
I played worst than predicted but drank 3 times more than predicted.

Johnny Canuck
15th November 2011, 05:00 PM
Wrap up will hopefully happen tomorrow after I land in Sydney. I have been flat oot.

Johnny Canuck
19th October 2012, 01:24 AM
Just bumping last year's thread in case anyone wanted to do any historical research before placing their bets this year.

Yoss' post at the top of this page has part 1 and links to the other two parts.